Oh Valentine’s Day, it seems as if there are one of two teams you are on — you either love it or you hate it. For me personally, any holiday whose main color is pink I am totally for. And I say that as someone who has spent more Valentine’s Days alone than with a significant other. We tell ourselves that one way our worth is determined in this society is by who we are taking selfies with and our Facebook relationship status. When you think about it, not only is that totally unfair, some people like myself tries to keep privacy in my life and doesn’t update my Facebook relationship status. More importantly when we allow for this to be our standard, we are disregarding the power and magic of an individual.
I remember last year, I was stuck behind a train talking to my friend Krissy. I told her, “I don’t want to find my other half. I am a whole person damnit! I came whole and I want to find a whole person too.” Being a half person isn’t my style. I know that I am worth so much more than that. I know that my dreams and ideas are larger than a half body. My voice, my love, goodness my love is more than half. Being someone’s other half is also an exhausting role to take on. I have done it. I have chased dreams for the guy, and when I finally handed them back to him, he let them slip through his hands.
Our expectations of people are that they are going to fulfill us by pouring into the empty pieces. But that is not the point of a significant other. The point is for them to be a light. For them to show you those pieces that have always been a part of you, yet you just haven’t had light on them in a while. I don’t want someone to pour into me, because I know what it is like to completely drain myself for someone who didn’t even know that humans were meant to love one another.
When we are born, we are born with all of the things we already need inside of us.
The good news is, we don’t need someone else to shine the light down onto us to make us see that. We are capable to do it ourselves. And I think that is pretty magical.
Rediscover yourself today and learn how to love the whole being you are-
One of the most essential pieces to a relationship is intimacy, don’t be afraid to get intimate with yourself! I think spirituality shows up in many different ways. Mine shows up on Sunday morning listening to the nations country music top down, when I do yoga, on runs outside, having coffee in a foreign cafe, just to name a few. I feel most connected to myself though, when I work out.
When I take the time to learn my body, the way that it curves and bends, I am creating a roadmap for my next lover. I am discovering parts of myself, that won’t have any old lover’s name seared into it because they found it first. It brings me more confidence because I feel more connected and grounded. Sadly, we have allowed our bodies to be vehicles for acceptance and a token for whatever role it satisfies. You are not going to be in a real, gut-wrenching authentic relationship until you are the only person is who the most connected to your body.
And on that note, wear the freaking lingerie without him. There is nothing that is more powerful and makes me feel at the top of my game, than when I wear my lacy nighty from Victoria Secret to bed without someone standing and admiring me before hand. Admire yourself. Sometimes we need to realize that we can be sexy without it leading to sex, because our worth falls into a dark whole when we start to correlate our worth with sex.
Just like you shouldn’t wait for someone to admire you in lingerie don’t wait for someone to buy you flowers.Go to the store, buy the kind of flowers that have a seed packet that comes with it. And then plant those flowers. Plant those flowers, and grow them. Water them every day and talk to them about the gorgeous boy who ordered a sandwich in line today. Soon they will be the most tender and beautiful flowers, because you poured your love into them. Inevitably they will die. And this is so important, because slowly you will being to learn that sometimes we pour our love into something and it still dies. But when we practice this repeatedly in small measures, the devastation isn’t as bad.
Most importantly, if you are feeling alone during Valentine’s Day, take care of yourself. Our hearts are magical things. They are the strongest muscle in our body, and yet they are always the first to break. Fall in love with yourself today. Go to your coffee shop, order your favorite drink, and smile at barista and ask about their day. Once you leave, I hope you leave with coffee in stow and a sense of meaning in your ability to have a conversation with a stranger. This is how you begin to fall in love with yourself.
Turn off your phone, and watch your favorite movie. My go to is Definitely, Maybe with Ryan Reynolds and Elizabeth Banks. Notice why you love the movie. Is it because Ben is so naive as has romantic relationships with different women? Is it the way he is vulnerable with his daughter? Once you begin to make your list of these reasons, you will soon realize that those are the pieces you connect the most with, and just so happen to be your superpower. This is how you continue to fall in love with yourself.
Cook for yourself, this is probably my favorite. Master a dinner that is full of nutrients that you can constantly go to. Whenever I am having a less than ideal day, I make baked Siracha-Honey salmon with spinach, alfalfa sprouts, raw green beans and a sweet potato. There is something about giving my body the fuel that it needs, that makes me feel like I am glowing. It allows for all of my PH levels in my body, and the chemicals in my brain to meet themselves at where they need to be, so I can be my best self.
And slowly but surely I fell in love with my best self.
It won’t happen over night to night, which by the way make yourself a cup of green tea before bed, but it is a start.
Because our worth doesn’t lie in who we are sleeping next to tonight. Our worth lies in our ability to sleep with ourselves, alone, raw, and real and be okay with who we are; excited with who we will become tomorrow.
If none of this works, then just blast "Love Myself," by Hailee Steinfeld all day long and dance around in your knickers. Dancing around in your unmentionables is a form of self love too.